How to Help Your Child Through the Loss of a Pet

Managing loss and death is one of the most difficult aspects of life. As an adult you know that there is an end to life but the death of a family pet may be the first time a child goes through this difficult time. Normal reactions of a child are natural and curious. They look to adults to help guide them through the process of mourning, grief and eventual understanding. There are several ways an adult can help the child understand the loss they are seeing and feeling and help them through the grieving process.

1. Be honest with them about death.
2. Let them see your emotions but keep them controlled.
3. Help your child express their feelings.
4. Find a way to memorialize the pet.
5. Be an example for how to move through the grieving process.

It may seem very difficult to talk about death to a child but it is important to tell them the truth, not half-truths, generalizations or use metaphors. Questions are natural and are best answered frankly and honestly. Depending on the child's age they have had experience with death through television, movies or stories from schoolmates and friends about their experiences. Be honest with your child telling them that the pet has died and it is not coming back. Reassure them that any of their past bad behavior is not responsible for the death of their beloved pet.
Dealing with the hard fact of death is going to bring on feelings the child has not experienced before. As advised by the Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement " it is good to cry and show your own feelings of grief, but these must be controlled and perceived as a normal response to the loss of a loved one." This will help the child understand his/her feelings knowing that adults are sad and angry, too. Let the child know that unhappy feelings are normal and allow the child to talk with you about them. An abundance of questions are normal and be prepared to talk about what happens after death. Depending on the child's age let them draw pictures to explain how they are feeling. Children look to us for guidance in actions as well as with words.
For a child grief may be manifested in many ways, depending on their age. Let their teacher know so school problems can be identified and resolved quickly. Other reactions could result in anti-social behavior, aggression or clingy behavior. Physical reactions including bowel and bladder accidents, not being able to sleep or eat as well as before the death of the pet can also be a result of grief. Letting the child ask questions provides a time of closeness with you and allows you to reassure them that you will get through this together.
Let the child be part of any arrangements memorializing the pet. Be sure to let your child know that their ideas, thoughts and suggestions matter and are important to you.

1. Pictures can play an important part in how a child can contribute to any type of arrangements.
• Encourage your child to draw pictures of their pet that can be placed next to the urn, be put on the wall or put in a scrapbook.
• Let them go through photos you have taken to help select the one(s) you will use for any type of funeral.
• Let them select a photo to be used to place a memorial online
2. Cremation - Let your child help select the place in the home where the urn will be placed. If the ashes are being scattered listening to your child's ideas of where their pet liked to play and where its final resting place should be will help your child with closure.


3. Burial - If buried in your yard (be sure to get a permit from your city first) your child can be part of selecting the location and what type of grave marker will be used.


4. Plant a memorial bush or tree or create a pet memorial garden in your yard. Your child will want to be there and be part of this event. Depending on their age your child could be a significant part of this providing them with a good feeling, which is a great start to moving through the grieving process.


5. After your family pet is at rest it is time to resume your family life but the routines are going to be different. Feeding, exercise and bed times will now be different. Everyone in the family will need to adjust to the new ways of getting through your day. Ask your child what they want to do differently and do what you can to allow that to happen.

The death of the family pet may be the first experience your child will encounter surrounding death. They do not know how to respond or why they are feeling the way they do. Children need role models to be there for them, listen, teach and love them.

Toni Grundstrom is a freelance writer with published articles on marketing, pet loss and stained glass subjects. Grundstrom owns and operates her small business, Stained Glass Creation Station, introducing her Paws At Peace product line. "My interest in pet loss began by supporting individuals who lost their pet and creating products they could have to memorialize their pet."
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