Why Taking Care of You Makes You a Better Mom

You know this on some level. Who has not heard the airplane illustration about putting on your oxygen mask first before placing it on your child? Meaning, we need to take care of ourselves first, before we can take care of anyone else in our life.

But I think it's easy to get numb to that message.

I think the problem is that taking care of you doesn't feel very practical in our busy day-to-day life. You have to take your daughter to soccer and the tutor. You need to run to the grocery store and start dinner. Your mom needs to talk and so does your friend who is going through a divorce. You are extra busy this week because you are volunteering at the gala. Oh yeah you have a full time career.

And there are implicit cultural messages that we pick up from this culture that really disempower moms like, "It's selfish to pay attention to me."

I can't tell you how prevalent this message is. I see this with the moms who are in my private practice and who take my Power Your Parenting program. And I also see this with my friends. It can feel selfish if you sit down and read a book, go exercise, see a movie you like, and go have lunch with your friends. Or you may think (like many moms) when I get through everything on my list I will take care of me.

Here's the deal. If you want to be the best possible mom to your daughter you have to be vigilant about taking care of you.

You can't leave you out of the parenting equation. You may be a relaxed, joyful, and energized mom or a very stressed out, no patience, and resentful one.

See you will show up. The question is which version of you will show up.
It's crucial to pay attention to you.

This really is good news for you. I am giving you 100 % permission to be really good to yourself, and when you do everyone in your family benefits.

How does this relate to parenting?

It takes a lot of energy to guide, nurture and protect your teenage daughter. And when you give away all that good energy, you need to replenish it.

Your energy will not naturally replenish. You have to consciously choose to refill it. No one else in your life will do it for you.

Because your daughter is hard-wired for drama with her undeveloped brain and erratic hormones, someone needs to be the calm and rested one.

If you are stressed, worried and exhausted it's really, really, really, easy to lose it with your defiant or avoidant teenage daughter.

Taking care of you empowers you to not react and absolutely lose it with her.

Also when you are exhausted you tend to be in a brain fog. You aren't thinking clearly. And your daughter will notice. This is when she moves in and starts badgering you to let her go to that party or says really hurtful things to you.

You need to take care of you so you are thinking crystal clear. Your clarity is essential to creating effective parenting strategies.

"I don't know how to even begin to start taking care of me."

This can be hard for many moms. You are so used to taking care of everyone else. You don't know where to start.

You can start small. Ask yourself, "What is one thing that I can do today to be kind to myself?" Then do that one thing and schedule it in your calendar.

See parenting is so much more than just learning a new parenting technique or learning a script to talk to your teen. You whole wonderful self is the parenting "tool." It's who you are that influences your teen more than any words you say.

What version of mom tends to show up most frequently with your daughter? The mom who feels blessed or the one who mostly feels stressed?

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Colleen O'Grady encourages and empowers women to live their highest and best life. From her coaching programs to her one of a kind therapy sessions, she has helped hundreds of women and teenage girls uncover their true purpose in life, create more happiness, and move to a place of inner peace. Colleen knows that everyone can create this kind of life.

Colleen O'Grady is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Marriage and Family Therapist. Her private practice in Houston, Texas has been active for over 20 years. As an approved supervisor on a state and national level, Colleen is sought after to train master-level therapists, psychology and psychiatry residents throughout Houston. Colleen has created innovative coaching programs to give people practical tools for moving forward while also standing on a strong foundation of therapeutic practice.

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