The Truth About Bullying: What the Adults Aren't Telling You
One of the saddest truths about bullying is the fact that adults
rarely tell children the truth about other kids' bad behavior. It's not
that the adults are hiding the facts but rather that they just aren't
thinking about bullying with their eyes fully open. The truth is
bullying happens when kids (especially the victims) feel trapped.
The idea of bullying as a consequence of feeling trapped is important. The reason why it's important is because if kids believe that they're trapped, they suffer silently. On the other hand, a kid who feels like his (or her) situation is abnormal and not okay, if he or she feels like his situation could be fixed, that child will tend to speak up about it and persistently demand change. Kids demand change about other things. Schools are institutions (think insane asylums and old age homes) and most kids have no choice but to attend one, either public or private. But many kids do have a choice about which school they attend. If bullying becomes a serious issue, most kids can be bused to different, but still nearby schools.
If you're a bullied kid, and you believe that you can control bullying either by going to a different school or by recruiting adults to help you get things under control, then chances are, you'll overcome the situation. Bullying can make you feel out of control, as though you're just being kicked around, but communication with other adults can put a victim like you into the driver's seat. Tell your parents. If they don't listen, tell your teacher.
If your teacher doesn't listen, tell your principal or superintendent. If these people fail you, call the newspaper.
Make people listen. Make them care. Many of the adults have the same problems that you do. They've been pushed around for too long and they've become passive (they learned this behavior in school, after all).
Communicate by talking about what's going on. Ask that changes be made to your situation. Consider going to a different school if that's an option for you.
Bullying is not a problem that's just going to disappear. There will always be someone who's trying to be King of the Mountain. But there are non-violent ways to deal with bullying and outsmart bullies.
For example, if there's a kid who regularly beats you up as you leave school, try leaving with a group, or leaving school through a different door. Change which exit path you use each day. It isn't cowardly to come up with a strategy that avoids a fight that's planned solely to intimidate you. It's smart. Besides persistent communication with adults, being smart is one of the best ways to avoid a bully.
No matter what, remember that you won't always be in school. When you're fully grown and ready to leave the institution of public or private schools, you'll be able to leave if a bully is making your life difficult and go find nicer groups of people. Life gets better after the early years of elementary and high school.
The idea of bullying as a consequence of feeling trapped is important. The reason why it's important is because if kids believe that they're trapped, they suffer silently. On the other hand, a kid who feels like his (or her) situation is abnormal and not okay, if he or she feels like his situation could be fixed, that child will tend to speak up about it and persistently demand change. Kids demand change about other things. Schools are institutions (think insane asylums and old age homes) and most kids have no choice but to attend one, either public or private. But many kids do have a choice about which school they attend. If bullying becomes a serious issue, most kids can be bused to different, but still nearby schools.
If you're a bullied kid, and you believe that you can control bullying either by going to a different school or by recruiting adults to help you get things under control, then chances are, you'll overcome the situation. Bullying can make you feel out of control, as though you're just being kicked around, but communication with other adults can put a victim like you into the driver's seat. Tell your parents. If they don't listen, tell your teacher.
If your teacher doesn't listen, tell your principal or superintendent. If these people fail you, call the newspaper.
Make people listen. Make them care. Many of the adults have the same problems that you do. They've been pushed around for too long and they've become passive (they learned this behavior in school, after all).
Communicate by talking about what's going on. Ask that changes be made to your situation. Consider going to a different school if that's an option for you.
Bullying is not a problem that's just going to disappear. There will always be someone who's trying to be King of the Mountain. But there are non-violent ways to deal with bullying and outsmart bullies.
For example, if there's a kid who regularly beats you up as you leave school, try leaving with a group, or leaving school through a different door. Change which exit path you use each day. It isn't cowardly to come up with a strategy that avoids a fight that's planned solely to intimidate you. It's smart. Besides persistent communication with adults, being smart is one of the best ways to avoid a bully.
No matter what, remember that you won't always be in school. When you're fully grown and ready to leave the institution of public or private schools, you'll be able to leave if a bully is making your life difficult and go find nicer groups of people. Life gets better after the early years of elementary and high school.
Jennifer Shipp and her husband John teach taekwondo online through the American Kick Association at http://www.AmericanKickAssociation.com.
Online tutorials cover all the details of kicking and punching and
class lessons are designed to help students become effective at street
self-defense. Students get to interact directly with live instructors
and get personal feedback on their technique. Taekwondo is one of the
most powerful and yet easiest martial arts to learn. Sign up today to
learn basic to advanced self-defense skills!
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