Four Strategies That Can Help Your Impulsive Child Immediately
Strategy #1: Write out your house or class room rules. The
impulsive child needs to have a clear idea of the house rules in
advance. It is much more difficult to act impulsively in a structured
setting. Dr. Robert J. MacKenzie in his book Setting Limits with Your
Strong Willed Child (2001) recommends that parents work to make sure
their words are very clear. Keep the focus on the behavior. Use your
normal voice. If you become angry and dramatic, your message will become
clouded. Be specific and direct. Finally, specify the consequences for
noncompliance.
Strategy #2: Talk to your child about better ways to handle an impulsive meltdown, giving step by step examples of how a person conducts himself or herself when faced with certain situations. Paul Tough, author of How Children Succeed (2012), says we are teaching our young children the wrong things.
We stay focused on how many words they say each day and how quickly they learn to read. Tough's criteria for a successful child includes "persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence." Children need to learn from an early age to stick with a problem and test several solutions. They need to explore their intellectual curiosities.
The good news is that we really can teach these things! Unfortunately, children who grow up in distressed environments have a difficult time with Tough's list. They have spent their childhoods learning how to survive in a dysfunctional family situation, and they miss out on getting advanced skills.
Strategy #3: Let children experience the natural consequences of their actions. As adults we know that there are natural consequences for our actions. If I spend all my money clothes shopping at the mall, I might not be able to get all the groceries my family needs for the week. If your kid leaves his toys out on the living room floor, he doesn't get to play with anything else until they are picked up. Kids fighting? They have to stay in separate spaces until they can learn to get along. We can have all of the right intentions and be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing but still mess up! That's the nature of our humanness, a simple part of living in this world. This is all the more reason to act with all due prudence. Impulsivity will lead to insensitivity, which will increase our risks of dishonoring God.
Strategy #4: Reserve a time for no electronics during your week. Let us show our children that there are times when we must live in the moment, do only one thing. Cook a meal together without listening to a playlist. Play a board game, television off. Take a walk in the country without your cell phone. Fly a kite on a spring day. It is the conscience act of refusing to multitask that can cleanse you from the impurities of your day that distract you.
Strategy #2: Talk to your child about better ways to handle an impulsive meltdown, giving step by step examples of how a person conducts himself or herself when faced with certain situations. Paul Tough, author of How Children Succeed (2012), says we are teaching our young children the wrong things.
We stay focused on how many words they say each day and how quickly they learn to read. Tough's criteria for a successful child includes "persistence, self-control, curiosity, conscientiousness, grit, and self-confidence." Children need to learn from an early age to stick with a problem and test several solutions. They need to explore their intellectual curiosities.
The good news is that we really can teach these things! Unfortunately, children who grow up in distressed environments have a difficult time with Tough's list. They have spent their childhoods learning how to survive in a dysfunctional family situation, and they miss out on getting advanced skills.
Strategy #3: Let children experience the natural consequences of their actions. As adults we know that there are natural consequences for our actions. If I spend all my money clothes shopping at the mall, I might not be able to get all the groceries my family needs for the week. If your kid leaves his toys out on the living room floor, he doesn't get to play with anything else until they are picked up. Kids fighting? They have to stay in separate spaces until they can learn to get along. We can have all of the right intentions and be in the right place at the right time doing the right thing but still mess up! That's the nature of our humanness, a simple part of living in this world. This is all the more reason to act with all due prudence. Impulsivity will lead to insensitivity, which will increase our risks of dishonoring God.
Strategy #4: Reserve a time for no electronics during your week. Let us show our children that there are times when we must live in the moment, do only one thing. Cook a meal together without listening to a playlist. Play a board game, television off. Take a walk in the country without your cell phone. Fly a kite on a spring day. It is the conscience act of refusing to multitask that can cleanse you from the impurities of your day that distract you.
This article is an excerpt from our new book, God's Most
Difficult Children. For more information about upcoming releases and
current projects, visit http://www.janethursday.com.
Dr. Roberts (Jane Thursday) is the mother of Lena and Jalen, who are
ages 9 and 6. They live in Bladenboro, North Carolina with their dog
Ollie Chip Chip. Dr. Roberts owes her accomplishments to her faith in
God. Her faith, her strong family ties, the important work of her
career, and a wonderful community keep her excited about life. She is an
ever-improving classical guitar player and an adventurous cook.
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thank you